Random Output
Eight things I never want to hear in a relationship:1. Does this make me look fat?
Of course it makes you look fat, the fact you had to ask the question ought to be the only hint you need. Pick something else to wear and lay off the Ho-Ho's.
2. Any sentence with the words "Passive Aggressive".
I am not passive aggressive, I'm stubborn, set in my ways and sick to death of psychobabble from people who project and inject their own emotional baggage into why I do things.
3. Issues:
People vote on issues, people have problems. If you have problems you want fixed tell me. If your looking for sympathy vs. a problem fixed be sure to include that information up front.
4. Why can't you put the toilet seat up?
Three things, first the Bill of Rights guarantees you life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, the position of the toilet seat is not mentioned. Second I put it up because neither of us wants it decorated with any bodily fluids, can we agree on that? Lastly due to the miracle of gravity it is not a Herculean effort to put it down. This alone is why men and women should never share a bathroom.
5. Would you get X out of my purse?
I'd rather stick my hand in a bear trap and chew it off to free myself. There is no way of knowing what is in a woman's purse, half eaten candy bars, personal hygiene products or live animals.
6. Pet names:
I can deal with "My Love", "Love", "Dear" or "Honey". Love bunny or Snugglebug is far too cute to be legal and makes you sound drunk or otherwise impaired.
7. Let's go clothes shopping...
Most men are not equipped with the clothes-shopping gene, never had it, never will. God in his wisdom gave us the tool-buying gene. The subtle difference in shade of teal between two pair of shoes or if it works with your necklace is a line of thought alien to our minds. Most men are happy to find two matching socks. A man's clothes shopping fantasy is being dropped at the tool dept of Sears as you go shopping.
8. Is it okay if I sleep with curlers?
Oh sure, you can't imagine just waking to see a pink head of cauliflower right besides you.